Fifteen minutes before the diaconal ordination and I am more nervous than a groom before his wedding. I am restless. At breakfast, I only managed to swallow half a donut, and that with great difficulty. Now, dressed in white, I am sweating and apprehensive. Who knows exactly why.

I line up at the back for the procession. The organ begins to sound. The last thing I expected happens to me. I felt a calm that left no room for nerves. Inexplicably, I experienced my diaconal ordination Mass with joy and great confidence.

It is a very good image of my entire vocation, of these almost fifteen years of preparation to become a priest in the Legion.

God asks me for things that surpass me. I say yes (when I am doing well) and He makes things come out in unexpected ways (by me, not by Him), surprising and wonderful. 

How to put into words an unexpected calling, fifteen years of struggles, defeats that become victories, relationships that mark life forever? How to interpret in a unified way everything that has happened to me while trying to follow Jesus on this path?

Perhaps the best way is to see everything in the light of the paschal mystery. Moments of death, despair, loneliness: there are many. Experiences of accompanying Jesus in the silence of the tomb, too. Feeling resurrected by an unexpected power that surpasses my understanding and planning: if I am honest, every day. 

It has not been a straight path. It has not been what I expected. It has not been what I would have wanted. But it has been everything with Him. He has never abandoned me, not for a second. That is why everything makes sense. Everything is part of who I am: a child of God and hopefully a brother to all (pray for me).