Sing and Play for the Lord

Sometimes I imagine the Church as a large symphony orchestra and the following of Jesus as a symphony, in which everyone tries to give glory to God.

At the age of 5 or 6, I learned to play the recorder. That was almost a “mandatory program” in our family to learn the basics of music. After the year of recorder playing, each of us was allowed to choose our actual instrument to learn. In my case, it was the violin. So we visited a violin maker to rent a suitable instrument. And the weekly lessons began. Consistently practicing an instrument is naturally a challenge for a seven-year-old at times. But what an instructive time! It trains your own ear. It took some time before I could play a clean note, which sometimes strained my family’s nerves. But gradually I was able to play in small ensembles, soon also in the school orchestra. And all of this served to make some notes audible and to experience the beauty that lies within them.

My path to priesthood was similar. During childhood and youth, my ear for God’s call was cultivated. Many people accompanied me especially during these years and were, so to speak, part of the “ensemble.” And the years of formation were aimed at enabling me, as a priest, to bring many people into contact with God’s love. 

Hearing

I can still vividly remember when I was six years old, attending Mass with my siblings at a stranger parish. The priest made a somewhat grumpy impression on us children. And somehow it was a time when we already felt that it would be much nicer if the whole Sunday was available for playing. So one day my sister and I decided: “When we grow up, we will never go to church again!” Probably we made dear God smile with that resolution, because it remained unfulfilled.

Praying together was naturally part of our family life. Every evening, we gathered briefly to thank God together for the day before the cross. Looking back, I see how important these short prayers with the family were. There we learned that we can speak with God. It became natural for me to thank God and entrust everything to Him.

I also learned directly that I can speak with God in another way: The priest who served in our town for several years called us children to the altar during the Mass for the Eucharistic prayer. After the consecration, he always knelt a little longer – together with us children – and asked us for what intentions we wanted to pray. He prayed with us for grandma, grandpa, our school friends,…

During elementary school, almost every year a pianist from the Baltic states visited our village. He always performed a few concerts before setting off again on his travels. I still remember these concerts very well. He captivated the audience for 90 minutes with classical music. His passion impressed me. The simple program booklets contained a short quote from him: “Music is my life.” This man was completely dedicated to one thing. That was fascinating to me. It sparked in me the desire to dedicate my life entirely, even though I had no idea where and how I could do that.

From the third grade, I became an altar server in our parish. That marked the beginning of a new era. I always found great joy in serving a small role during the Holy Mass. The sacristan insisted that we be in the sacristy at least 20 minutes before Mass to have enough time for all preparations. This always led to spontaneous exchanges with the priest. He regularly organized quiz rounds before Mass, asking catechism questions, awarding points, and rewarding the best with a small prize. On these occasions, I always experienced the priests as true shepherds.

All of this naturally helped to train my inner hearing and to perceive God’s call. But when did dear God knock on my door? When I was about 12 years old, I kept hearing this quiet knocking inside me. It was very unremarkable. But I felt that God was inviting me to something more. Why? Why me? No idea. On one hand, I sensed that a great adventure was unfolding. On the other hand, I was overcome by fear: Isn’t that too big for me? Can I do it at all? Does dear God really want this from me? At 12, I didn’t have to make a decision yet. That was a good thing. So I could leave this topic to rest for now. But in the following years, I kept discussing it with the Lord. I knew: This is a matter between Him and me. 

Ensembles

A musician usually plays with others. While the idea of a vocation was stirring within me, I repeatedly experienced the help of many companions.

Of course, there was my own family. When I first told my parents I wanted to become a priest, they told me what I already sensed myself: “That’s a matter between you and dear God.” And they added: “But if you want to walk this path, we support you!” What a blessing it was to be able to count on my parents’ support! I later realized that this was not a given, especially when I met brothers whose parents did not agree with their sons’ spiritual path.

When I was 10 years old, one day an invitation arrived for a Legion of Christ summer camp. My parents suggested I participate. I didn’t know anyone there, but I saw it as a good opportunity to learn how to approach a new group. The summer camp was fantastic. I didn’t really need so much football, but I enjoyed the trips to Cologne and Aachen, the hikes to the “Bachschaukel,” the joyful community, and not least the Mass with age-appropriate sermons. I returned home happy. From then on, I participated regularly in their activities. Why was that so important? Because I was there with other children who also prayed and for whom faith was important. That was very encouraging for me. I also experienced priests there who lived for God with great joy and dedication. How inspiring!! In the following years, my confidence grew that dear God wanted me as a priest in this community, with the Legionaries of Christ. Yes, I had found a concrete way to follow Jesus.

At home, we experienced a lively togetherness among the siblings. Of course, we argued often, as is usual… And it was always the others who started the fights. But the unity and connection were greater than any disagreements. Especially on weekends, we could play together for hours. I only revealed to my siblings my vocation question a few months before graduation. Unfortunately, my communication skills at that time were not very developed. I failed to inform my brother Mariano that I wanted to become a priest and that I planned to enter the novitiate after graduation. He still laments his “ignorance” to this day.

A short time later, our sister told us she felt called and was considering becoming a consecrated woman in the Regnum Christi. That was a very special moment for me: I was no longer alone! I felt great joy that my sister and I carried the same in our hearts. This experience was repeated two years later when my brother Mariano also chose the spiritual path. None of us would have thought earlier that three out of four siblings would follow Jesus in consecrated life. And the paths that each of us took to get there are different. Even if we don’t always understand everything, we are grateful to God for His work in our lives.

Finally, there were various priests who accompanied me on my journey. In the last two years before graduation, the question naturally became more urgent: what would come after? There were also moments of doubt, after all, I didn’t want to mistake my own ideas and notions for the voice of the Holy Spirit. How could I gain clarity? Talking with experienced priests was a great help in this discernment process. Knowing that doubts of this kind are normal and that I shouldn’t wait for a supernatural appearance but trust in God and His guidance helped me a lot. I am sincerely grateful to the mentors during this time. 

Beauty

The musician makes the beauty of music tangible. Anyone who listens to music or even attends a concert knows how moving that can be.

Making the beauty of God tangible is just as fascinating a task. Bringing people closer to how powerful and humble, patient and loving God is, how much He loves each one, is very fulfilling. I have experienced this repeatedly in recent years, even in small ways.

In Rome, I organized evenings of adoration for youth with a team of fellow brothers, attended by up to 80 young students. They were so grateful for the opportunity to kneel silently before the Most Holy, pray with others, contemplate the Gospel, and have access to confession. During semester breaks, I was able to accompany and lead weekend and holiday camps more often. During my formation, I also completed a long internship at our Apostolic School in Bad Münstereifel, where I could support students as a supervisor for three years.

As a priest, this task will take on new dimensions, especially during the celebration of the Holy Mass, during confession, and in administering the other sacraments. I am very much looking forward to it! And at the same time, I ask for your prayers to continue faithfully following God’s call and to be an instrument that glorifies and praises God in everything.

P. Raphael Ballestrem was born on October 28, 1985, in Munich. He has an older sister who is a consecrated woman in the Regnum Christi, and two younger brothers, one of whom also belongs to the Legionaries of Christ. At 18, he entered the novitiate, which he completed in Germany. The subsequent stages of formation took him to Spain, Italy, Germany, and the USA. In 2010, he took his perpetual vows. In April 2018, he was ordained a deacon in Cologne. Currently, he is involved in youth ministry and leads teams of children and young people in Düsseldorf and the surrounding area.